I can sometimes predict it, I can see it coming, I can understand it, I can ask for it, but truthfully, I really just suck at change.
My job is sending me new places and to do new things that should be exciting, but for some reason I push against it, and sometimes I can't understand this stubborn reaction. I really think it might be the change factor. It means I will be doing something new, something adventurous, but I push against it.
My roommate said she's moving out in 6 months when our lease is up. I saw it coming and it makes total sense, but it scares the crap out of me. It means I have to decide if I'm going to live alone or take my chances with a new roommate (I totally lucked out with my current one, what are the odds I find another normal human being in NYC to live with me? Pretty low, I think). Though it is 6 months away and it's probably not a big deal, I can't stop thinking about it. I am already predicting that it will keep me up tonight.
Part of me feels like everything was status quo for so long, and now things have to change, but maybe I'm being left behind because I'm not adapting to the changes. How do I fix that? I start each day at work with a smile, even if I'm nervous or angry, because I'm hoping today will be better than yesterday. Should I stay in my current apartment and find a new roommate or try to live on my own? CAN I live on my own?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
At home, in New Jersey
home is lots of places for me. they are the places where i'm most comfortable. i have a couple of them...
my mom's house, is complete with stepfather and little bro (gotta love that 6th grade attitude) and lots of antiques and Mackenzie-Childs and Stickley and of course, flamingos (they are usually named some variation on Philip). now i know we sound crazy, but it's kind of fun to have a theme of collectibles, as long as they aren't beanie babies or something. the house was built in 1906 and definitely showcases its history; it has some sort of granduer that i somewhat lack the writing skills to explain.
my dad's house is just his-- no one to share it with. i'm glad he updated his furniture in the past few years; he should have good stuff that he can enjoy and be comfortable in. though this is the first house i ever lived in, it is not the one that i've always considered home, since i was usually at my mom's house growing up, it wasn't always at the top of my list for comfort. however, i still have my own room at my dad's house (yeah, mom booted me out of my room when i moved to NYC-- i guess i'm ok with it now haha).
probably third would be my gramma's house since i spent most of my summers growing up there. don't get any ideas... it's not like she lived far away or anything. but there was always that acre of land to pretend to get lost in-- i could hide in my tree house or go swimming in the pool... with my local friends of course-- you know, those kids you met when you were 3 years old and are hopefully still friends.
now i live in NYC, and i do love it, but there's no place like the real home. some part of me still feels like i'm in a dorm room in NYC (maybe it's because of the size, haha). thankfully it's only a short train ride home... the REAL home.
my mom's house, is complete with stepfather and little bro (gotta love that 6th grade attitude) and lots of antiques and Mackenzie-Childs and Stickley and of course, flamingos (they are usually named some variation on Philip). now i know we sound crazy, but it's kind of fun to have a theme of collectibles, as long as they aren't beanie babies or something. the house was built in 1906 and definitely showcases its history; it has some sort of granduer that i somewhat lack the writing skills to explain.
my dad's house is just his-- no one to share it with. i'm glad he updated his furniture in the past few years; he should have good stuff that he can enjoy and be comfortable in. though this is the first house i ever lived in, it is not the one that i've always considered home, since i was usually at my mom's house growing up, it wasn't always at the top of my list for comfort. however, i still have my own room at my dad's house (yeah, mom booted me out of my room when i moved to NYC-- i guess i'm ok with it now haha).
probably third would be my gramma's house since i spent most of my summers growing up there. don't get any ideas... it's not like she lived far away or anything. but there was always that acre of land to pretend to get lost in-- i could hide in my tree house or go swimming in the pool... with my local friends of course-- you know, those kids you met when you were 3 years old and are hopefully still friends.
now i live in NYC, and i do love it, but there's no place like the real home. some part of me still feels like i'm in a dorm room in NYC (maybe it's because of the size, haha). thankfully it's only a short train ride home... the REAL home.
Friday, March 14, 2008
first post
i figure i might learn something... about what i do, who i am... if i can write at all (yeah, so english was not my strong point in school).
it's good to know where i've been, who i see from a broad level, but also from a day-to-day level... like on Tuesday when I saw "Campbell Scott" (our shuffleboard buddy from NWP) on the 59th St. N-R-W Station... maybe not a very interesting thing in the long run, but it really does amaze me how you can unexpectedly see someone you know on the subway in a city with over 8 million people.
more to come...
it's good to know where i've been, who i see from a broad level, but also from a day-to-day level... like on Tuesday when I saw "Campbell Scott" (our shuffleboard buddy from NWP) on the 59th St. N-R-W Station... maybe not a very interesting thing in the long run, but it really does amaze me how you can unexpectedly see someone you know on the subway in a city with over 8 million people.
more to come...
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