It's funny... often a girl wants closure and does what she can to get it, but then finds that the reasoning is not good enough, and that it really makes her feel worse. I don't feel worse. I understand.
I guess on some level I knew it wasn't meant to be... that I would move to Cali and we would be together... mostly because I don't know if we would have made it through the hard times apart before we got to that point.
But I guess I knew that we would still be connected... I wasn't kidding when I said I knew what he meant and how he felt. And I think he knows me too. Even if no one else gets us.
la2005fu (11:07:53 PM) : you know, it kinda makes me sad that we don't talk anymore
"zgrrr" (11:10:12 PM) : i can understand that. . . . 
la2005fu (11:11:02 PM) : is there a reason?
"zgrrr" (11:11:20 PM) : protect you
la2005fu (11:11:31 PM) : ?
la2005fu (11:11:50 PM) : b/c i said it was too hard?
la2005fu (11:12:10 PM) : bc it's worse not talking to you at all
"zgrrr" (11:12:19 PM) : more from me i think
la2005fu (11:12:44 PM) : you're protecting me from you or you from me?
"zgrrr" (11:12:50 PM) : lol
la2005fu (11:12:56 PM) : i'm confused haha
"zgrrr" (11:13:05 PM) : you know why i broke up with my ex right?
la2005fu (11:13:15 PM) : not fully no, you didn't tell me, and i didn't pry
"zgrrr" (11:13:41 PM) : biggest reason was my family
"zgrrr" (11:13:46 PM) : nothing they did of course
"zgrrr" (11:13:52 PM) : but what i found in them
"zgrrr" (11:14:18 PM) : culture, religion, blah, blah, blah
"zgrrr" (11:14:43 PM) : that's what i have been dealing with in my head
la2005fu (11:15:10 PM) : b/c you're trying to decide whether or not you ended it b/c of religion or b/c of you?
"zgrrr" (11:15:42 PM) : i see how everyone in my family is like with our culture
"zgrrr" (11:15:45 PM) : and i love that
"zgrrr" (11:15:46 PM) : a lot
"zgrrr" (11:15:50 PM) : it's really hit me hard
"zgrrr" (11:16:00 PM) : and i want that out of my future
"zgrrr" (11:16:10 PM) : so i have to weigh it's importance
la2005fu (11:16:17 PM) : that's good...
la2005fu (11:16:23 PM) : it's good to know what you want
"zgrrr" (11:16:27 PM) : it is good
"zgrrr" (11:16:29 PM) : really good
"zgrrr" (11:16:35 PM) : took me awhile to figure out
"zgrrr" (11:17:05 PM) : it was really tough integrating it all with my ex
la2005fu (11:17:11 PM) : i can see that
"zgrrr" (11:17:17 PM) : i mean you can learn it and all
la2005fu (11:17:23 PM) : that's something that has to be a 100% decision on both sides
la2005fu (11:17:27 PM) : and if it's not, then it won't work
"zgrrr" (11:17:30 PM) : but there are still soooooooooo many barriers from being brought up in it
la2005fu (11:18:50 PM) : i get that too... believe it or not, i know some people in other cultures/religions/etc
la2005fu (11:18:56 PM) : i'm not totally sheltered haha
la2005fu (11:19:03 PM) : only a little
"zgrrr" (11:20:18 PM) : i know silly rabbit
"zgrrr" (11:20:31 PM) : i just know how my parents are and stuff
"zgrrr" (11:20:41 PM) : and the shit they have gave me in the past
la2005fu (11:20:46 PM) : i'm sure
"zgrrr" (11:20:48 PM) : but i have to say, they have always been right
"zgrrr" (11:21:12 PM) : so that's the other part of it too
"zgrrr" (11:21:27 PM) : kinda tough to really explain
la2005fu (11:21:49 PM) : yeah, i'm sure it's worse through aim
"zgrrr" (11:22:10 PM) : and trust me, the break up that i had over this was the worst thing i went through in my life
"zgrrr" (11:22:15 PM) : it was very painful
la2005fu (11:22:19 PM) : i believe you
"zgrrr" (11:22:27 PM) : i never want to see anyone hurt like that again
la2005fu (11:22:37 PM) : you know how you saw my face and knew what i was thinking? i saw yours too
"zgrrr" (11:22:58 PM) : i don't want to hurt you lauren
"zgrrr" (11:23:04 PM) : that's my delimma
la2005fu (11:23:33 PM) : don't think of it that
la2005fu (11:23:34 PM) : wya
la2005fu (11:23:35 PM) : way
"zgrrr" (11:23:36 PM) : i really like you, but i have that 800lb gorilla on my shoulder right
"zgrrr" (11:23:58 PM) : and i ended my previous relationship for a reason
la2005fu (11:24:03 PM) : i really like you too but you are half way around the world! and even when i'm home you're still far away
la2005fu (11:24:10 PM) : not quite as serious of a reason
"zgrrr" (11:24:10 PM) : ya
la2005fu (11:24:12 PM) : but a good one
la2005fu (11:24:17 PM) : listen
"zgrrr" (11:24:24 PM) : the distance i could give two shits about
la2005fu (11:24:32 PM) : i don't think this should end our relationship totally
la2005fu (11:24:38 PM) : it sucks worse when we don't talk
la2005fu (11:24:43 PM) : in my opininon
"zgrrr" (11:24:52 PM) : i can understand that
"zgrrr" (11:26:02 PM) : but just know i'm not just forgetting about you
"zgrrr" (11:26:17 PM) : i just have to look at what i have done in the past and why i did it
la2005fu (11:26:33 PM) : well it's better when you actually say it instead of act like it
"zgrrr" (11:26:36 PM) : and i won't do that again with anyone because i had my mine set
"zgrrr" (11:26:38 PM) : ya know?
la2005fu (11:26:44 PM) : yeah
"zgrrr" (11:26:58 PM) : no more tears
"zgrrr" (11:27:00 PM) : lolz
la2005fu (11:27:02 PM) : well my issue is a little of the distance thing if you're not upfront about it (which you have been now)
"zgrrr" (11:27:13 PM) : i know
la2005fu (11:27:18 PM) : b/c i know me
"zgrrr" (11:27:25 PM) : i just didn't have it all sorted out
"zgrrr" (11:27:29 PM) : still don't
"zgrrr" (11:27:30 PM) : lol
la2005fu (11:27:38 PM) : we'll both figure it out
"zgrrr" (11:27:39 PM) : but i do miss you
la2005fu (11:27:43 PM) : me too
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