i know that both are worth it-- wishing and opening your heart, and that you need to learn to take the good with the bad. or rather you need to wish and open your heart, but understand that only that one person in your life is going to end up being the one that returns your wish and reciprocally opens their heart.
so that leaves 90%+ of the time that it doesn't work out correctly. maybe i'm being too negative, but how many times can you be optimistic before the optimism disappears?
why is it that the first person that i've felt anything for months doesn't seem to be as into me as i am to him? well i guess it could be the nearly 3000 miles between us... or it could be that he's still "healing" from his all-too-recent engagement... or can i think of another excuse?
the most frustrating part is that i have no say. i have no leverage. i have no right to be mad that he is not making time for me. and it makes me feel even more unreasonable since a lot of the time that he is busy is because he is spending quality time with his family. how can i be mad about that?!
so here i am, drinking wine, not going to the gym... wallowing. and oh so pathetic.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Quarterlife Crisis-- yep, it's real
As I sit here sick with a cold (once again), I fear change.
I just came home from a whirlwind tour of Europe. I managed to hit 3 countries and 5 cities over a 4 day period. Oh and I caught a cold.
It's not all bad, no, but I feel like work is consuming me-- I am gone for a whole week, I miss the fun of work happy hours, and then I come home sick and can't go out on Saturday night AND I have to cancel my blind date tomorrow night.
So should I move there? And leave everything here? And what do I have when I come back? Will that be pretty much the end of my WebCollage career? Then what? Could I find another job here? Am I done with New York City?
And for that matter, have I been taking advantage of NYC? I feel like I do enough here, but then again, I constantly feel busy. I go out a lot, but I don't meet anyone out. The only person that I've been interested in months lives in California. California! We still talk even a month after my trip there, but what does it all mean? And for that matter, what did the psychic in the street mean when she said "you're going to California"?
Is everything in life that arbitrary? What is serious and meaningful?
I just came home from a whirlwind tour of Europe. I managed to hit 3 countries and 5 cities over a 4 day period. Oh and I caught a cold.
It's not all bad, no, but I feel like work is consuming me-- I am gone for a whole week, I miss the fun of work happy hours, and then I come home sick and can't go out on Saturday night AND I have to cancel my blind date tomorrow night.
So should I move there? And leave everything here? And what do I have when I come back? Will that be pretty much the end of my WebCollage career? Then what? Could I find another job here? Am I done with New York City?
And for that matter, have I been taking advantage of NYC? I feel like I do enough here, but then again, I constantly feel busy. I go out a lot, but I don't meet anyone out. The only person that I've been interested in months lives in California. California! We still talk even a month after my trip there, but what does it all mean? And for that matter, what did the psychic in the street mean when she said "you're going to California"?
Is everything in life that arbitrary? What is serious and meaningful?
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