i know that both are worth it-- wishing and opening your heart, and that you need to learn to take the good with the bad. or rather you need to wish and open your heart, but understand that only that one person in your life is going to end up being the one that returns your wish and reciprocally opens their heart.
so that leaves 90%+ of the time that it doesn't work out correctly. maybe i'm being too negative, but how many times can you be optimistic before the optimism disappears?
why is it that the first person that i've felt anything for months doesn't seem to be as into me as i am to him? well i guess it could be the nearly 3000 miles between us... or it could be that he's still "healing" from his all-too-recent engagement... or can i think of another excuse?
the most frustrating part is that i have no say. i have no leverage. i have no right to be mad that he is not making time for me. and it makes me feel even more unreasonable since a lot of the time that he is busy is because he is spending quality time with his family. how can i be mad about that?!
so here i am, drinking wine, not going to the gym... wallowing. and oh so pathetic.
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