California

Yep, I was all wrong. It wasn't easier to come back out west. I thought it was fine, he was going to act like a typical guy and ignore me or act funny; but no... he was sweet and caring and I swear he can see into my soul-- maybe I'm being a little melodramatic, but he reads me so well.

Do you know what it's like to know someone for 4 short months, but feel like you've known them forever? I barely talk to him but he knows what I'm talking about and how I feel simply by looking at my face. He’s the first one to say “Europe’s going to be really hard for you”—and he’s not being negative, he’s reading me. From everyone else I get, “this is such a great opportunity!” or “you’re going to have so much fun!” and ignore the expression of fright on my face.

I didn’t tell him I’ve been seeing someone else… but I didn’t have to because I had an even better excuse-- if I had stayed with him it would have been too hard for me. And I say it with a small lump in my throat and glistening eyes. And I mean it. He knows.

He would have thrown his parents out of his house to spend the night with me. Alright, so it sounds a little like he just wants some, but he didn’t push. He didn’t shove his tongue down my throat, he just pulled me close and let me hold him, knowing that all we get is these few hours. I can read his eyes like he reads mine. He doesn’t like that I live 2800 miles away either… and he’s even less happy that the distance will soon grow to 6400 miles. I know because I feel it too.

Yeah he has a long way to go to find himself (he knows it’s cliché), and I think he’ll come out the other side as a better person—maybe even a guy that calls me more often… ha ha.

But for now, I get 5 kisses and a goodnight, because that’s about all I can take.

I truly hope I don’t look back at this posting in 10 years and laugh at myself for sounding so dorky and dramatic. I really feel it.